StinkyLemsky: A Child of the 80s Grows Up

Weekend = Success

The baby shower was so much fun! Wait... let me start at the beginning. I left at 3:30 on Friday (after a last minute 2:30 phone call put me a smidge behind schedule), and I headed out to Wisconsin. I was thanking my lucky stars my mom let me borrow her car for the trip as it was raining and my car has less than stellar windshield wipers. Before you hit the comment button and tell me about how easy it is to replace the blades, let me assure you it's actually the wiper motor that has the problem. You see - it doesn't recognize the full wiper "swipe" action and stops in the middle of my windshield instead. I've perfected the art of working with the problem, but on a six hour roadtrip there are other things I'd rather be dealing with. Like junk food.

I pulled into Amy's driveway at 9:10 on the dot (significantly earlier than anticipated - Google maps must be wrong on the time estimate because I wasn't going super fast) and had a bit of a nervous moment... I hadn't seen Amy in almost a year and a half (and that visit was rushed seeing as how it was my wedding day). What if things were a bit awkward? Was it silly for me to make the trip? Well, my worries were unfounded - she was so excited to see me and it was as if we had been living at Disney yesterday. We chatted until after midnight, when both of us were too exhausted to see straight before heading to bed.

The next morning, after breakfast and primping time, we headed to her mom's house for the shower. I just love her mom to pieces, she's one of the nicest, sweetest people with the greatest sense of humor you'll ever meet. I didn't know any other people at the shower however, just a few who I recognized from Amy's wedding, so I threw myself into helping out. I took up shop as "event photographer" and made sure to capture tons of great photos for Amy because nobody else seemed to be snapping pics. I oo'd and ah'd at the gift opening, and was thrilled when I won the "name the baby" game... We had to think of baby names using every letter in Amy's full name. If nobody else used your names, you got a point. Well... I wanted to win... so I was putting down names like Horatio and Cornelius and Elvira. I have a lovely brownie cookbook prize now as a reward for my creativity. (Seriously, Harry and Charlie, people? Come on, give me some competition!)

That evening we were both exhausted. Totally and completely wiped out. I can't even imagine how tired she was at 7 month pregnant because I could hardly keep my eyes open! We sat and watched as her hubby put together the stroller and bouncy seat and swing - offering our encouragement verbally instead of physically. All in all, I am SO very glad I made the trip out - for a drive that's less than six hours long, it was completely worth it to be there for my friend. We've already planned the next visit too... you see, the Buckeyes play the Badgers on October 16th, 2010. We are SO there.

Disney, Days 4 & 5 - Final Recap

On Day 4, we went to the only park we hadn't yet visited...

Honestly, I think Animal Kingdom is slightly underrated - it really has a lot of unique attractions to offer, low wait times, and great food. It's like the perfect theme park trifecta, if you will. My strategy is always to arrive right when the park opens and head straight to Kilimanjaro Safari - because the animals are most active in the mornings. This time, my strategy was definitely successful...

 

The rest of the day felt like it went in fast-motion (is that the opposite of slow-motion?) because we managed to do every single thing in the park before 2:00pm. It was incredible.

This also happened to be the day that I was feeling the affects of a stomach bug, so it was really perfect timing to have a more low-key afternoon. We went to Downtown Disney to check out the shops and had dinner at Margaritaville on Citywalk. Mitch is a die-hard parrothead, so that was a no brainer.

The next morning, we were really at a loss as to how to spend our last day in Orlando. We had managed to see all four parks in four days without any regrets or super long lines, so we decided to just enjoy some quiet time and catch an afternoon movie. That night, we headed back to Magic Kingdom to watch the fireworks one more time (from a far better location) and ride a handful of rides. All in all, it was the perfect ending to an amazing vacation.  

   

Disney, Day 3: The Hollywood Studios

Yes, yes, I know... at the end of my Magic Kingdom post I promised you I'd have Animal Kingdom pics next. Sorry- my brain must have been addled by all that pixie dust because Day 3 was most definitely "Disney Hollywood Studios Day."

Let's go to Disney World, shall we?

 

I was SO so So excited to show Mitch this park - mainly because it was where I had worked, oh so many eons ago. I was excited to show him everything from the parking lot (for cast members only), to the building where I had picked up my costumes every week, to the Backlot Tour (where I had worked). Imagine my disappointment upon realizing the Backlot Tour was closed for refurbishment!

 

Oh, so sad! However, I was quickly cheered up by the chance to show Mitch the other attraction I had worked at while I waited to be trained at the Backlot Tour... the Honey I Shrunk the Kids Playground.

How could I not be cheered up by that sight?!

We knew the parks would be more crowded this day - mainly because the temperature was forecasted to be much warmer (at around sixty degrees versus the forty degree temps we had been feeling our first two days in 'sunny' Orlando). On top of that, the National Cheerleading Championships were taking place, which basically equates to millions and millions (billions, even) of teenage girls chanting and jumping and clapping and shouting in all corners of the park. It's enough to make you grateful for a $5.00 beer, you know? But we didn't let the crowds hold us back from experiencing the park in all its glory.

We also got a chance to ride "Toy Story Midway" - the newest attraction in the park. It had a ridiculously long line (80 - 90 minutes all day long), but we decided to just go for it as our last ride of the night. Honestly, it was totally worth it! Well, I should preface that by saying that we really only waited for 30 minutes - their estimate was way off (which I can chalk up to the newness of the ride. In general, WDW wait times are very accurate). The ride was extremely cool - I would have probably ridden again if we didn't have to head down to Fantasmic.

Really, though, one of my favorite parts of the day was the chance to get a sneak peak at the American Idol experience. Of course, we weren't there for the grand opening (about a week later) when every singe Idol winner was there... at the same time... oh my gosh, how cool would that have been?! Either way, we're pretty big fans of Idol, so it was neat to watch the psuedo competition & judge the contestants. Wondering what the prize is? Each day, one contestant wins a free pass to the front of any city's Idol audition line - wow!

Overall, our day was a bit more stressful than days 1 & 2 because of the crowds and longer lines - but still totally amazing. We got to see nearly every attraction in the park (even some I hadn't planned on attempting) and had great seats for Fantasmic. Just being there, with Mitch, meant so much to me because I got to share with him a part of my history from one of the happiest times in my life.

 

Happiest times before now, of course.

Disney, Day 2: Magic Kingdom

 

On our second day in Orlando, we decided to go to the Magic Kingdom. Wait - that sentence makes it seem like we decided that morning, which is hilarious because OF COURSE I had an itinerary mapped out (color-coded and highlighted) with park parade, show, and closing hours at LEAST two weeks in advance. So - it was predetermined that we'd be at the Magic Kingdom, so at the Magic Kingdom we were. Coincidentally, I was really excited for this park. It just feels more like Disney World to me than any place else. Since I didn't work there (my job was at the Hollywood Studios), I never learned the behind-the-scenes tricks of this park. I never went in the infamous underground tunnels either (unlike my roommate at the time who said that the sight of Cinderella smoking a cigarette while Prince Charming flirted with Prince Eric traumatized her for life).

ANYWAY... we arrived, prepared for the cold weather, as evidenced by my glamorous attire below.

 

Va va voom, right? Kidding, of course. Anyway, we headed straight into Tomorrowland - because that's the way I always do it & I wasn't about to change my strategy now. First of all, it's the land with BY FAR the coolest rides / attractions. We headed straight to Space Mountain (checking the wait times at other attractions along the way & mentally mapping out our next steps) to get a fast pass. Well, the wait was only 5 minutes (!!!) so we decided to ride right away. And, yes, it was awesome. In case you were wondering. 

After that, we headed to Buzz Lightyear. Of course, Mitch kicked my hiney in the game (we rode a total of 3 times during the week - he won 2 out of 3. Hey, at least I had one victory).

 

We stayed in Tomorrowland for a few hours, getting on every ride in less than 10 minutes - it was really, totally, completely awesome.

 

Then, of course, it was time to head into Fantasyland. Now, Fantasyland has its merits, but for the most part I like to refer to it as "the land of screaming children, for pity's sake - get me outta here." I refuse to wait more than ten minutes for any ride in Fantasyland because if you come back in the evening (aka the time when all the toddlers are tuckered out in their strollers) the lines die down anyway. However, the cold temperatures and luck were both on our side & we got to ride darn near everything before we even needed to stop for lunch.

After a quick bite to eat, we moved on to the Haunted Mansion. I was disappointed to see that the Presidents attraction in Liberty Square was down for renovation, but that only makes sense considering they have to add another president to the show! So we headed straight for Frontierland from there. After a quick debate about Splash Mountain (we decided it just wasn't worth it to be wet and miserable for the rest of the day in 40 degree temperatures), we went to Big Thunder Mountain for what would be our longest wait of the day, at a whopping twenty minutes. Not bad, huh? I'll take the cold weather over a crowded park any day. After that, we decided to watch the Country Bear Jamboree - not because we were super-especially-totally-excited about it, but because we were almost done with everything in the park and it wasn't even 2:00 yet!

We had to make some quick decisions about Adventureland... we were getting pretty close to parade time and I wanted to get a good spot. We decided to hit up Pirates of the Carribbean and (if time permitted - which it did) do the Jungle Cruise too. We still had ten minutes to spare when we headed to Main Street to find an empty spot of curb. However, I knew it would take about twenty more minutes for the parade to get to the front of the park, so when Mitch thoughtfully volunteered to get us both some hot chocolate, I didn't turn him down. (Thanks honey!)

 

After the parade, we were pretty much at a loss as to what to do! We killed some time browsing in the shops while the parade finished its route, and we headed up to the castle to look at the mosaics. Coincidentally, this is also where the princess makeovers take place (for the low low price  of only $160, your daughter can wander around looking like this all day!) I don't think it's a coincidence that the most screaming, unhappy, cranky children at the park were usually sporting a princess makeover. Spoiled much?

We decided to head out of the park for dinner (at a deep dish pizzeria - YUM) and came back later that night for the Spectromagic Parade (which we mostly missed because I forgot that the night parade goes backward on the parade route and would be at the front of the park right on time - my biggest blunder as tour guide) and the fireworks. Oh, and we couldn't resist hitting up Space Mountain one more time. What can I say? We're suckers for roller coasters.

All in all - our day at Magic Kingdom couldn't have been more perfect! And, okay, Magical. Sorry - I couldn't resist.

Next up... Animal Kingdom!

Disney, Day 1: Epcot

Mitch and I were as excited as children when we pulled into the Epcot parking lot at 1:30pm on our first day of travel. (Does anyone remember that commercial? "I'm too excited to sleep!") It seemed surreal that we had woken up in St. Louis, and (just a few hours later) we were starting our vacation. We had five days to get as much use as possible out of our park-hopper passes, and we were bound and determined to do it right. Of course, it didn't hurt that I was a built-in tour guide.

 

Here we are, in front of what I lovingly refer to as "the giant golf ball."

We managed to hit every major area of Epcot before we headed to the world showcase.

 

Mitch just LOVED Test Track, which I had a feeling might happen. We were both excited to try out Mission Space... though I was extremely nervous after Mitch convinced me to go for the more 'intense' experience. Thank goodness I didn't need the "sick bags"! I have to say, my favorite attraction was the boat ride inside of "The Land." I was definitely not expecting that ride to be as cool as it was. My favorite part was the botanical section that showed innovative types of farming (soiless, hydroponics... very cool). I just love that kind of stuff.

At dinnertime, we headed into the World Showcase, where we attempted to find dinner that was both in our price range and offering indoor seating. It was freezing out - Orlando was experiencing record low temperatures - and the last thing we wanted was to sit outside and try to eat with frozen fingers. After a quick dinner at Morrocco (gyro-esque sandwiches... yum!), we explored all the countries before watching the fireworks show at 9:00 (Illuminations). It was the perfect first night!

 

We're home, we're safe, we're alive (name that movie reference...)

Hubby and I made our way safely back home Monday afternoon via Southwest airlines and their ingenious pre-assigned line placement seating. People have (finally) realized they don't need to wait in the "A" line for forty five minutes prior to boarding with the new system. Between the free snacks, no fees on checked bags, and prompt baggage arrival at the carousel, Southwest is my new best friend.

Unfortunately, we arrived home to see the destruction caused by the complete opposite of my new best friend: the wind.

 

 

Yes, the wind had blown our glass door so severly that it pulled the screws from the door frame, and slammed into the nearby brick. The door was shattered into a million, bajillion pieces. A million bajillion pieces that flew into a ten foot radius of death and destruction. It is nearly impossible to clean up miniscule shards of glass from between mulch, grass, and dirt. Hubby and I finally busted out the shop vac, sucking up whatever we could & raking the mulch (glass and all) into paper bags. It took us nearly ninety minutes to get the worst of it up before we decided to leave the rest for another day.

And if you think "another day" means "a day where I'll be using tweezers to pull glass from our landscaping," you would be incorrect. It actually means "a day where I'll be dumping a fresh bag of mulch over the bare dirt spot left behind and thereby masking any signs of remaining shards of glass-of-death-and-destruction."

So - in short - vacation = awesome. Returning home to shattered front door = major bummer.

In other news, the babymaking questions are starting to get ridiculous. Not ten minutes after I informed my (awesome) coworker that I had to cancel a certain annual-exam-for-the-girly-regions due to the untimely arrivel of certain monthly-visitor-for-girls, that same coworker walked by my desk and exclaimed, "Are you PREGNANT?!"

Blink. Pause. "What?! No. Why?" "Because," she giggled "you're using clip art that looks like a stork."

Hmmm. Okay - first of all, that's NOT a stork. Second of all, what on earth does clip art have to do with pregnancy?! Also... did you think I was joking earlier when I complained about the arrival of monthly-visitor-for-girls and the resulting necessary cancellation of annual-exam-for-the-girly-regions? Like I would just go ahead and make things like that up - just to throw you off track only to be foiled by my clip art use habits and their clue giving tendencies?! I think I may as well head to the craft store right now and make a t-shirt that says "No babies until my age begins with a 3. Deal with it" in neon puffy paint letters. Hrumph.

Don't you worry though - I'm busy uploading photos as I type. I'll have fun and exciting pictures of Disney World posted soon enough - leaving behind all this talk of girly-regions. Until next month, at the very least.

Vietnam & Cambodia Part X - In which I ride in an "ambulance"

Ladies and gentlemen - I now present to you the concluding edition of my Vietnam and Cambodia posts! Honestly, I can't believe it's taken me this long to recap the stories - I almost feel a bit guilty about how quickly I handled my Brazil post now. I mean, I didn't even begin to tell you about the hijinx (my new favorite word) encountered there - the mosquito bites from hell, the hungry clients of death and destruction, and (my personal favorite) my very own souvenir (free of charge) bout of food poisoning. Yes, oh yes, I got food poisoning in Brazil. Despite a prescription strength antibiotic, I still had an interesting couple of days when I got back to the states. And don't even get me started on how sick I was after a trip to Cabo. (Do you see a theme emerging?) Oh, my. Trust me - there are doctor's orders that you're really better off not knowing exist. And in the event that your company requires documented proof of your illness, you might not want to fax such doctor's orders to the main office fax line, fyi. That could  be a titch embarassing.

Not that I would know.

ANYWAY, there I was, my last day in Vietnam. My clients had all departed for their home planets cities and my two coworkers and I decided to do some exploring of our own. We spent a hilarious hour in a massage parlor in which I giggled histerically while my (male) naked coworkers (we were separated by the sheer-est of tiniest sheets) and I got the most agressive massage this side of boxing. It was one of the most hilarious hours of my life. It only cost $10 for an hour long massage; well $20 if you consider the fact that I tipped the girl $10 as well. Hey - if you're going to massage my naked body for an hour, the very least I can do is slip you a Hamilton, right?

After that adventure, I was ready for a shower, so we headed back to the hotel. 

  

This was the view from my room.

That night, we went to Rex's for dinner - apparently this was quite the hot spot for the US soldiers during the war.

Rex's really refers to the rooftop bar of the Rex Hotel (the green lights in the photo above) and my coworkers and I proceeded to get soundly intoxicated that night. Thank goodness I was with friends - otherwise I'd have been spending my last few nights in Asia in my hotel room watching Gilmore Girls on DVD.

So... that catches us up to my final day in Vietnam. I woke up at 7am to watch the Cardinals game (they were playing in the World Series and the twelve hour time difference required an early wake up call if I wanted to see the opening pitch) and quickly realized that all was not well in Becky-land. I was ill. Extremely ill. Feverish with cold sweats and vomiting every ten minutes or so. By about 9am I knew that if I didn't get help, I wouldn't be able to make my flight the next day. And, let me tell you what, there was no possible way I was missing my flight home. Oh, and to top it all off, my coworkers and clients were gone - I was completely alone in a country where I didn't even speak the language.

I did what any reasonable person would do - I called my mom. Unfortunately, she didn't answer (WAH! I want my mommy!) - so next I tried my best friend Katie (who is now my sister-in-law) and explained my dilemma. There may have been some whimpering involved, I'm not gonna lie. She (we worked together and she had been to Asia several times) told me to call the concierge - apparently many upscale hotels in Asia have doctors on-call that will visit guests for food poisoning. Feeling slightly embarassed, but sure it was worth it, I called the concierge.

About twenty minutes later, a doctor and nurse were in my room taking my blood pressure while I tried not to vomit (unsuccessfully, fyi). They informed me that, unfortunately, I was going to have to go to the hospital for some IV fluids. Now, this isn't that big of a deal when you're at home and you make a trip to the local urgent care center - but when you're alone in Vietnam and you may be experiencing some culture shock, this is a very big deal. So, I hopped on Skype to let Katie know I was leaving (in case I disappeared forever) and packed my wallet with my health insurance card, credit card, and drivers license. I figured if strangers robbed me blind, at least my passport would be safe.

They put me in a wheelchair (please don't barf... please don't barf...) and brought me down to the waiting "ambulance" (a glorified minivan). It's a testament to how ill I was that I wasn't absolutely terrified. They brought me to the "hospital" (more of a local clinic - boy was I glad I got those hepatitis shots my doctor had insisted on...) and proceeded to knock me out with a shot of glorious medication that also stopped the vomiting. Thank you, medical gods. The clinic girls were very nice, and they even spoke some broken English. When an Australian woman walked in (the head of the clinic) and informed me that I had been out for two hours (and two bags of fluids) and could leave soon, I almost kissed her. They made me take down a disgusting combo of energy solution (salty gatorade) and cement-mixer-stomach-binder (resulting in some crucial one-on-one time with milk of magnesia a few days later) before calling the hotel to come pick me up.

The final tab? Almost $750 - entirely covered by my insurance carrier (though I wouldn't see the check for six months). However, the chance to make my flight the next day and arrive home safely twenty vomit-free hours later? ... Priceless.

Vietnam & Cambodia - Part IX

First of all, THANK YOU for all the comments yesterday! It was just the pick-me-up I needed to get started on this (long - sorry!) post. Back when I wrote Vietnam & Cambodia recap # 1, I had no idea it would take me so much time to finish up the story! I hope you've not gotten bored... I promise to wrap it up in one more post after this. It will be a nice round number of ten. Or "X" if you speak in Roman Numerals, that is. 

     Side story - In elementary school I took math with the principal because I was learning at a fifth grade level at the age of five or six. The only thing I remember from those sessions was her total and complete doubt that I could actually do the things my teacher insisted I could do (namely - trying to teach the other kids multiplication). "You're so smart, huh? Well then what's the roman numeral for FIFTY, huh?" "Oh, that's easy. It's "L" or I guess you could say XXXXX, but that wouldn't be totally correct."  Take that evil-principal-woman! Oh... and lest you think I'm some kind of smug genius - I assure you my intelligence was compensated for by my extreme lack of social skills. I'm still working on that defecit...

     Anyway - back to Vietnam. We had wrapped up our dinner at the Presidential Palace and there was just one more day of events before my clients' planes departed the next morning - an afternoon tour of the Mekong Delta and an evening farewell dinner at a remote restaurant. I can't remember the name of the dinner venue because, well, let's just say there are other details about that night that stick out in my memory more than the name... So, that morning I gathered everyone in the lobby of the hotel like the little adult-baby-ducklings they were and we set off on our first activity.

 

A little backgrount... the Mekong Delta, located in Southwestern Vietnam, is home to vast numbers of rice fields. Vietnam is the world's third largest rice exporter & the crop is vital to their economic survival.  

Of course, I was just excited to wear the traditional hat...

 

Oh, and I didn't even have to row! Pretty cool. I just realized it looks like I have on goggles in that picture! Too funny. They're just plain old sunglasses, I swear. After our row-boat ride, we had a small sampling of exotic fruit and heard some local musicians playing traditional instruments.

 

I love that pineapple was billed as "exotic fruit." Ugh - it's like they were just begging me to get food poisoning. Oh - and I also got to hold a snake. I'm not really sure how that fits in to traditional Vietnamese culture, but there you go.

 

What was I thinking?! Ugh. Shudder. I must have been far braver back then, I guess. I think I'm done holding snakes or other creepy-crawlies for the rest of my life. Blech.

After that, we stopped for lunch. Is it just me, or does it bother you when your food stares at you while you rip it apart hungrily? Call me crazy, but I think it's creepy.

 

But, to be fair, also delicious. Just keepin' it real.

So, after our long adventurous day, we gave the clients a couple of options. They could go shop in the market, hang out in their hotel rooms and rest (it had been a looong day), or they could go on another boat tour. I chose to stay with the hotel group and sent my coworkers off with the rest of the group. Later that evening, I gathered up those who had stayed behind and we hopped on our tour bus en route to dinner. ("a three hour tour...")

And... that's when things got interesting. My guide - I'll call him Lee because I really have no recollection of his actual name - was king of a jerk. He was rude, short with me, and pretended to misunderstand me all the time (though his boss, an Australian, had assured me Lee spoke perfect English). He was just being a.. well, a donkey if you know what I mean. Anyway - we're driving through the streets of Saigon and it looks like there's been a flood. The streets are covered with rainwater (I'm guessing the infrastructure / drainage system isn't that great - not surprisingly). In some places the water is over a foot deep. It's dark - it's foreign - I'm tired and reaching the end of my culture-shock limits.

I see more people cooking dinner on the sidewalks. I see poverty. I just want to go home. (And though my clients were leaving the next day I still had three days before my flight was scheduled to depart). I had been with my clients for almost fourteen days - I was tired of being "on" all the time - of being the adult babysitter and tour guide.

Suddenly, outside the city, the bus stopped in the middle of a dark gravel road. No street lights - no people. Just an empty road.

Let me make it clear - in my job I was in charge of the safety of my clients. Me - a little old barely-out-of-college American woman / girl in the middle of Saigon. If someone gets sick - I get them medical care. If someone dies - I get the body home. If someone is robbed - I call the police. It comes with the job. And there we were - stopped in a dark alley. My guide informs me tersely that we are going to have to walk the rest of the way because the bus is too large to fit down the street. He's already off the bus as he's telling me this, and my clients are starting to follow him.

So, of course, I start to panic (though I was all cheer and schmooze for my clients) as we walked down the gravel road. The women were NOT pleased, as they were all wearing fairly formal clothing and nice shoes. A trip down a gravel road wasn't exactly what they had had in mind. Yet, we trudge on. What option do we have? Suddenly, the group comes to a stop and I realize there's water in the road - about 2 inches of disgustingly mucky rainwater accumulation.

I look to our guide for, well, guidance and realize he's gone. Lee has vanished into thin air. My clients tell me he went ahead through the water and we're expected to follow.

I'm in full blown panic mode now - one of the women in the group is over eighty years old and wearing brand new silk shoes. This is not good. This is so very not good. The boys debate carrying her over the puddle and some women slip their shoes off and walk barefoot in order to avoid ruining them (which is such a great idea on gravel pebbles that cut like glass, don't you think?) and we keep moving. In the pitch-dark-black-night. A local person shines a flashlight on us from the side of the alley and I start silently freaking out. I can see the headlines now - American Tourists mugged in Vietnamese alley. Becky (last name) to blame for loss of highest level executives from (famous company).

I am hosed, my friends. Hosed.

It takes us about 15 minutes to get 100 yards down the street (we still can't see the venue) when we hear the roar of a bus behind us. Salvation!! It's the group of my clients who had attended the second boat tour! They were on a small enough bus that they could drive down the street! We were rescued! After cramming on board with them, we made it to the venue safely - though it took me a full ten minutes to be able to discuss what had happened with Lee's boss. I've never been so furious in my life.

As you may imagine, I was ready, oh-so-achingly ready, to go home. And yet - my adventures were still not over...

Vietnam & Cambodia, Part VIII - Dinner at the Palace

Our farewell dinner in Vietnam was held at the Reunification, or Presidential Palace. I was born in 1980, so I'm too young to remember the day that tanks crashed through the palace gates in 1975 (marking the fall of Saigon and the end of the Vietnam war). I was awed at the chance to hold a farewell dinner in such an auspicious location and couldn't wait for the official tour to begin. Along with my clients, I traveled by cyclo from the hotel to the palace, where we were greeted by Vietnamese hosts in traditional garb.

 

Here is what the palace looks like in the daytime (image courtesy of wikipedia).

 

After a short cocktail hour in one of the few air conditioned rooms, we headed to the basement for a tour.

 

Our guide began in the map room, then continued on through the rest of the basement. The rooms were swelteringly hot, and I could only imagine how uncomfortable it would have been working with hundreds of people in the small airless rooms.

 

Much of the office equipment and original maps remain behind.

 

Even the President's bedroom furniture is on display!

 

Here I am, at the President's desk (shortly after our guide removed the "Do not touch" sign). If you would have told me when I graduated college that someday I'd be sitting in the basement of the Reunification Palace in Vietnam, at the President's desk, working as an event planner for an incentive company - I think I would have told you to check your medication levels! I still can't believe some of the things I did and the places I have seen.

The former president's car on display, for example.

At the end of the tour we entered a room filled with historical photos and memorabilia.

 

Here is a photo of tanks crashing through the gates of the palace.

 

Many of the exhibits (similar to those at the Cu Chi Tunnel tour) were very anti-American in their language. It was unsettling to be in a country where Americans were still scorned and welcomed only for their flowing tourist dollars. It's amazing how being in a different country can open your mind to the global perception of history.

My time in Vietnam was drawing to a close - my clients would be departing the following evening after our last tour (of the Mekong Delta) and two days later it would be time for me to start the 24 hour journey back to St. Louis. Little did I know, my adventures were far from over.

Vietnam and Cambodia, Part VII

       In my last Vietnam post, I had finished a tour of a few downtown Saigon sites and was suffering from a pretty intense case of culture shock. Everything was just so different - not just different from home, but different from Cambodia. This was a bustling metropolis filled to the brim with motorcycles, shops, and people. It wasn't at all unusual to see a family of four zipping down the streets on one motorcycle. (Which made Britney's driving escapades and the resulting hullabaloo nearly laughable in comparison). I saw people cooking food literally on the sidewalk and daycare centers that made me cringe. Here's an excerpt from my journal, "I passed a daycare center that had trash and gravel in front of it. I thought to myself, 'how sad, that used to be a place where children would play and now look at it' - then I realized there were children playing there - it was still in use." It was a really tough adjustment for a suburban homebody like me.

On our second day in Vietnam, nearly every one of my client participants had signed up to attend the Cu Chi Tunnel Tour. This tour was one of the main attractions for us (as an American group). The Cu Chi Tunnels were the key reason for the Vietcong success in the Vietnam War, particularly for the Tet Offensive in 1968. According to Wikipedia, the tunnels were first started in 1948 so the Viet Minh could hide from French air and ground sweeps and by 1965 they were over 200km long. They were often infested with rats and malaria-spreading-mosquitoes and proved deadly to both the American and Vietnamese soldiers. As the scene of so much death and destruction, I thought this "attraction" would be a somber affair - a time of remembrance for those who died on both sides.

I was wrong. I was really wrong.

It wasn't a place for remembrance so much as a place for photo ops. I was appalled at the boisterous attitude shown by the tourists at the site - all clamoring to get the best photo and smiling in groups next to run-down tanks and torture devices. It was one of the strangest experiences of my life. The first part of the tour involved a demonstration of the original tunnel openings.

 

 

Can you imagine?! I get claustrophobic just looking at these pictures! Next, we had the opportunity to visit the firing range. This wasn't originally part of the plan (and certainly would have been frowned upon by my client's conservative headquarters), but I let the guide take us through. For a small fee, you could select a weapon and shoot at some barrels across a field.

 

 

Now, that's definitely not your typical incentive trip activity! Who needs snorkle cruises and deep sea fishing when you can fire rifles in Vietnam, right?! Don't worry about a liability waiver here, folks, just some simple ammunitions handling!

Adjacent to the firing range was a small pavillion where you could buy memorablia - t-shirts, books, postcards, bullets, etc. I chose to forgo the bullet shopping, incidentally.

After going through a section displaying various torture devices...

 

I just couldn't wait to get out of there. After all, the Vietnam War was not that long ago. One of my clients was a Veteran who had chosen this trip as a chance to heal some emotional wounds over the loss of his friends and the trauma of battle. I asked him what the main difference was between the paths of the tour and the jungle as he remembered it and he said, "It's pretty much the same except back then there weren't paths in the jungle. We had to make our own way with machetes." To see hundreds of tourists jostling each other to get the best view of torture instruments used on American soldiers gave me a sick feeling in my stomach. When I took the photo above, I was standing outside of the demonstration area & wanted to capture the craziness of the experience more than the instruments themselves.

Next, we were given the chance to enter the tunnels ourselves. About half of the group decided to make the attempt (including myself- though I was the only girl who tried it). The entrance had been expanded to allow for safe access and we were going to attempt four sections. The first was high enough to crawl through on your hands and knees. The guide had a light in the front of the pack, but you couldn't see anything but darkness past the person in front of you. You had to stoop your neck and crawl on your hands and knees - it was, frankly, terrifying.

 

After the first section, there was a turn that allowed you to exit, if you so chose.

 

I had had enough and took the exit stairs, thank you very much. The second and third section of the tunnels got progressively smaller - with the fourth one being the most accurate representation of the tunnels that had existed throughout the war. Only one of my clients (the Veteran) made it through the entire tunnel grouping - the last one was so small only an army crawl could get you through. I am shuddering just thinking about it.

Finally, it was time to board the bus. The parking lot was insanely busy - there must have been about thirty-five tour busses - making it difficult to find the correct one. This just mirrored every experienc of the day (hot, crowded, confusing, and foreign). I was ready to get back to the hotel (a five-star Americanized hotel that felt safe and comfortable) and to leave the tunnel tour behind. Once the last participant was present and accounted for we headed back to Saigon.